Attempting to Stay on the Wagon, One Day at a Time

scale scare

2007-03-21T12:25:00.000-05:00

ok, so I have had a rough month and staying on program hasn't been easy for me to say the least. I need to get back on it though or soon I will have nothing to wear.

Potential problem is that I am kind of sort of dating this new guy. OK, we have gone on exactly one date so far, but dating can be completely detrimental to weight loss. The good news is I have been completely upfront with him about Weight Watchers and the fact that I am trying to loose weight (side note: when we were having a discussion about how much weight I have lost, he was shocked, and made a comment about how I'm so little, he can't believe it, awesome, can't hear that enough) He would also like to loose some weight and has been trying to eat healthier.

Last night (on our only date) we went to Fridays, and I have to say that thier new smaller portions menu is AWESOME. Of course, the fact that the slogan is "smaller portions so you have more room for dessert" is pretty funny, but whatever. Of course I didn't get dessert.

I've been trying to stick to core, but it's hard when you've used all your points on spaghetti and alchohol on day one. But I'm plugging along, still far from perfect, but better than last week (i think). The scale could really say anything this week

rough weekend

2007-02-27T12:05:00.000-05:00

I am terrified to get on the scale this week. I wasn't there this week because I had to drive to Delaware rather suddenly. My grandfather had a stroke last weekend and we were told he wasn't doing well, so my parents, aunt & uncle and all of my cousins on that side of the family drove down to say goodbye and see him one last time. He died Sunday morning while we were all still there.
Now as most of you know, I do not do very well on plan when my life is thrown into chaos. You should have seen me at the end of the week last week - esp. when I realized that I would not be weighing in on Saturday. It was a food free for all. I decided to get back on it saturday - and I did pretty well, at least until I was sitting around in the hospital all day with my family, surrounded by cookies and other yummy goodness. I am a total emotional eater. And a total bored eater, and there was abundance of both this weekend. I swear I gained about 10 lbs. As of today, I am about 20 points over my extra points. I sat down and figured it out this morning and it is not pretty. I didn't even really have a chance to exercise there. I suppose it could have been a whole lot worse - lunch in the hospital cafeteria was a salad with fat free italian dressing, and I made other similar good decisions when confronted with them. And now I have to go back for the memorial service, but at least that's in two weeks, so even know I know I will gain this week, I am going to do the best that I can for what's left of the week, including going to all my classes, and maybe I'll even weigh in on friday (in 2 weeks), even though I hate doing that, before I leave in order to give myself some amount of accountability.

ouch

2007-01-29T12:17:00.000-05:00

I am so so sore today.
For the first time, I actually had the thought in the middle of a class that I am pushing myself too hard when it comes to this working out thing. Saturday I took back to back classes - pilates followed by turbo kick. I wasn't sure if I could handle it and warned the instructor (who led both classes and who I know, I'm a regular in her classes) about that in the beginning. I used lesser weights than I usually use and I was actually ok in the end, and proud of myself for being ok. Well I have been meaning to take the Saturday afternoon yoga class, even though its an hour and a half class for a while. I like yoga, when I do it at home at least and wanted to experience it in a class setting. It was actually a really amazing class. But wow was it intense and hard. I went in sore from the day before, which I really should have taken as a sign, but I had been wanting to take this class for so long, and I really didn't know it would be as difficult as it was. The cool thing was that the instructor was really cool about letting you take as many breaks as you needed, and actually encouraged breaks. I should have taken more! At certain points, I was on one leg (one leg down dog or standing split) and the leg I was standing on would actually be shaking. So I have decided that, while I like this class a lot, I'm going to wait a while before I add it to my aerobic schedule. At least until I'm not sore the next day every week from my new Saturday pilates/turbo kick addition. Plus next week I am adding on a latin dancing class, so I am going to give myself off on Sunday and Monday, until I get in better shape and can handle another addition.

So, while working out is awesome and good for you, there is a thing as too much! And boy am I paying for it today - despite the hot bath last night and sleeping under my electric blanket all night (like one giant heating pad!) I am struggling to walk normally today and not to wince every time I have to pick anything up.

Moving More

2007-01-28T19:47:00.000-05:00

Andrea and I just got done with a 40 minute dance marathon. My 3 year old decided that he wanted to dance, we put the tv on one of the party music stations on comcast and ran around in circles, danced, jumped (Basically paid "James says") for 40 minutes. We played "catch a tiger by it's tail" which is a really fun kids game where, you all get in line and hold onto each other's waist (like a conga) and the last person in line puts a scarf in their pants so it's hanging out, then you hold onto each other and the person in front tries to catch the tail off the last person. It's superfun and can make you very dizzy. Andrea, my husband, and I were all sweating and panting but you know what, we had a ton of fun. I got 3 activity points (Andrea got 4) out of this and bonus, my son will sleep well tonight.

See, exercise can be fun.

Too much information

2007-01-26T16:12:00.000-05:00

Damn you weight loss gods!!!!

Why, why are my boobs getting smaller? I mean I know they are big to begin with really that's not where I want it to go away. I mean, my boobs can't look better, too much skin not enough to fill them after 2 years of breastfeeding. But my stomach, that now that can look better, there's still fat there, I can make that look somewhat better with working out and weight loss. Grrrrrr!!! I don't need smaller breasts, I need a smaller stomach.

Damn you weight loss gods!!!

Hrmph!!

surprising thought

2007-01-17T12:32:00.000-05:00

I know not many of you take the bus, but I do every day. And this morning, I saw an open seat between two people. It wasn't a very big spot but I thought to myself "I'm little, I can fit in there" And sure enough, I did, comfortably. I mean, there wasn't relaly room to spare, but I was squeezed in there either. I'm little. I mean, I'm not, but I'm not the HUGE person I usually think of myself as. The times they are a changin'

Chicken Bruschetta

2007-01-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

Just had a really yummy dinner.

1 lb chicken breast cut up in cubes (uncooked)
1 pkg. chicken Stove Top stuffing
1 can italian seasoned diced tomatoes
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup 2% mozzerella cheese shred's

Mix the stuffing water and tomatoes together and set aside.

layer the chicken on the bottom of an 8X8 pan
top with stuffing mixture then sprinkle with cheese
Cover with foil and bake for 20 min @ 350 the take off foil and bake additional 10-15 min. so the top gets a little crispy.

makes 6 servings @ 6 pts a piece.......really good!

here I go, rambling on again :)

2007-01-16T12:53:00.000-05:00

ok, I don't want to jinx it, but I am doing really well so far this week. It's my second week in a row on core, and I still have 11 of my weekly points left! For me, that's huge. Usually by now I've used up all my extra points and I have to rely on my activity points (of which I earn 2-3 per day for the rest of the week from aerobics) I'm going to step on the scale at the gym today and see how I'm faring, keep your finders crossed for me! I have 3.2 to go to reach that 100 lb goal, but I've been closer before.

Oh core how I love thee, let me count the ways.
I'm still writing everything down (I think that's where I screwed up last time I tried core) and eating lots and lots of fruit. It's totally helping that all the excess food is gone from the office, even the "I'm dieting so I'll bring in everything bad from my house so everyone else can eat it" food. Plus I'm fairly busy at work - at least in the morning, and then I do get sort of bored in the afternoon, so I eat, but I still have a pile of fruit on my desk, and I LOVE fruit (esp oranges!) so it's a-ok. One think I'm not getting in is my dairy. Since skim milk is core, I think I need to either bring in some milk to work or start having a glass with breakfast every morning. Or both. Of course Robyn and I are upping our Island Bean latte intake, so that's helping with the dairy serving a little.

I think I was just oh so tired of counting points and tired of going over them, every day, every week. I feel like I can relax a little on core. It seems like before, I was able to be a little lax on points and the program and I'd still loose weight. Now is a different story. It seems if I'm not perfect, I will gain. Core is my savior.

Laser Storm

2007-01-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

So Saturday we meet up with friends at Laser Storm on Mcknight Rd for laser tag. Our one friend wanted to play it for his birthday. Damn, that is a fun game. It is really good exercise, (I was sweating). So much fun and goal oriented. Andrea and I are going to be doing this more often since it is right there by us. Is it very sophisticated? Nope. Am I playing with a bunch of teenagers? Yes. But I get to shoot irritating teenagers, that rocks.

What also rocks is I didn't feel old, or out of shape. I zoomed around that arena, sniping people, I even got a base hit. It was pretty cool.

I love exercise that is not really exercise. That rocked!!!!

Laser Tag here I come!!!!

RAR!

2007-01-06T19:44:00.000-05:00

Well Muhamad, wonderful sweet guy though he may be, reached 77lbs today. This is awesome and go Muhamad! However, he joined Weight Watchers in like August*. I have been with Weight Watchers for over 2 years and he is swiftly catching up to me. Not fair! So I am INSPIRED. MOTIVATED even. This is it, Muhamed cannot reach 100 lbs gone before me. It simply wouldn't be fair. So I put him as the background on my phone to push me to loose that 5 lbs before him. Muhamed, prepare to be annihilated!!!!

*this date may or may not be (but probably is) greatly exagerated

pukey thoughts

2007-01-04T18:34:00.000-05:00

What kind of person am I that when I get sick, head in the toilet bowl sick, that the only thought running through my head (other than "oh dear god I am going to die") is "I guess I didn't go over my points today after all"

And missing work didn't really phase me as much as missing aerobics did.

I am clearly a sick, sick individual. In more ways than one.

New Years Resolutions

2007-01-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. I really believe that changing the year you write on your checks isn't an indicator for major changes in your life. The indicators are when you are ready to change, that can happen any time of the year. So many people are groundhogs. That is, they start going to the gym or join weight loss programs on Jan 1st and by Feb 1st (groundhogs day) they quit. Why? The changes are not sparked by some major decision within, that final straw did not break, they just decided that based on the Gregorian calendar, it is time for new things to begin, where is the heart or the magic in that.

I like it when things change, I'm a big believer in constantly changing oneself, making yourself better. I've spent the last year really working on my self health wise, I have more I need to do, but the calendar change hasn't sent me running to the gym more. (i'm actually dreading it because of all the ground hogs) I guess I am not ready yet. When I am ready I will make it to the gym like I am supposed to. The same thing goes for my spiritual self. I really need to work on this, but again, hanging up my 2007 calendar on my desk hasn't made me somehow a more spiritual person. I need to want it more then I want the comfort of my routine now.

That is the key, no matter what time of year or what is going on. Are you ready for the challenge of walking away from the comfort that you know and heading toward the unknown? That is a fact, Weight Watchers' slogan is "Watch yourself Change"... this is fantastic and so true, what they don't tell you is that when change happens the results are often unknown. We can make predictions and guesses but what you become both inside and out may not be what you expected. This is so true for me, and when you are unsure of what the final destination will be, it can be very scary.

We are goal oriented, we look to the future and say, ok I want that, I want to be a size 6, but we don't really know what a size 4 will be like on our bodies, we don't know if we will be happy there. We hope and believe but when we get there, it is rarely what we thought it would be, it could be better, it could be worse. Regardless, the magic and the change is in the journey...

The journey is the most important part, it is what forms who you will be. If I had exercised more during my journey, I would have a different body then I currently have at goal. If I had lost it faster, perhaps I wouldn't still have it off now. If I had lost is slower during the journey, would I have kept with it or given up? If I hadn't learned to use many on the tools for living during the journey would I have had a more difficult time? Would I be a different person on the inside now?

The journey is what is most important, make goals and use them but never forget the journey... this is where you truly see a change.

HERE WE GO!!!!!

2007-01-02T11:44:00.000-05:00

I LOVE when things are new. Don't you??? I get so excited to try new things and get a fresh new start. This year has been challanging but also very rewarding in all phases of my life. I can't wait to see what 2007 has in store for me, my family and my wonderful WW friends! My only resolution to myself this year is to live each day to the best of my abilities. Not trying to be perfect but just do the best with what I have and be proud of what I do. No regrets, no should'ves. Just do what I can, when I can and most of all HAVE FUN while I'm doing it!

What about you all???????? What wonderful things does the new year have in store for YOU???

Post Christmas Hell-- Day 2

2006-12-27T13:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was ok, I stayed within my points until late in the evening. I got hungry and hit a couple pieces of chocolate and some popcorn. Could have been worse.

I did get back 3 activity points a the gym so I'm sure that helped lessen the damage.

Today, not looking so good. I'm staying out of the snacks, cookies and candy laying around, but I'm going to leave work today with 3.5 points for dinner and the rest of the night. I do intend to hit the gym again and get another 3 to 4 activity points so that will help but it's still going to be rough, dinner tends to be my largest meal.

I've been snacking myself to death today with low point things so that I don't eat the high point things laying around so that has to count for something I guess.

This is rough, I hate when I use up all my extra points so early in the week.

Ok, breathe... breathe... I can do this.

Christmas Hell!!!

2006-12-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

Ok so I took Martha's advice and asked ahead of time what we would be having for Lunch on Christmas Day. I'm told Quiche. Ok looked it up, one slice of Quiche is 10 points. Wow.... alright I have extra points, I can pull this off. Eat before I go, busy myself with something else when I get there. Oh yeah, Mimosas are the drink of choice.

Then Christmas day actually comes, we have no food in the house to eat because I didnt' plan ahead, plus the addition of rushing around in the morning with opening presents, hubby and I taking turns napping. So i get to my mother-in-law's house hungry. We open presents, I get nice stuff, then we sit down to lunch. Ok 3 different types of quiche, all fantastic, plus my sister in law brought bacon and sausage as a side. Ok so I'm sure you can all see this going down hill from here.

I didn't eat horribly, I wasn't stuffed or anything but one piece of quiche is not very filling so I had 2, 3 pieces of sausage and a piece or 2 of bacon.

I get 19 points a day, trust me I went over by a lot more then that. I came home last night and figured out my points for Saturday and Sunday, I'm over my 35 extra by another 20 points. No way to fix that and I still hadn't had dinner yet.

Ordered Chicken and Brocolli for dinner from a chinese restuarant, and had it without any rice. Maybe 4 to 6 points worth and quit for the night.

Ok so I screwed up, but I know what I need to do. Forgive myself and get back on program. I woke up this morning, dug out the last of the oatmeal, had some coffee and a couple of pieces of lean bacon... (why I couldn't have done this yesterday is beyond me, but I need to let it go and forgive right?) Had my coffee, and having left over chinese food for lunch, will measure it with my nifty new WW scale to make sure I'm not going crazy.

I will go to the gym this afternoon after I do my meeting and I will get through the rest of this week on program. I'm sure the scale will be up, from what I weighed a month ago, but i will deal with it.

I know what I need to do, I'm sucking down the water, I'm making choices... lets just hope nothing else happens that can trip me up, actually, I'm sure something else will happen. Anybody reading this, pray for me to whatever divine power that you believe in that I will have enough self respect this week to make the correct choices and not sabatoge myself further.

Mohammed and the 44

2006-12-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

Mohammed and I were talking tonight about how many points we have left for the day. I was done and thinking of using some flex points and asked him how many points he had left. He had 11 left for the day. I asked him if he was going to finish the points he said no because he was satisfied and repled that he is not only does not want to be screwed by the void but the 44 sh** is killing him. We will see about that on Saturday -

Sherri

Ground Zero, 3:29pm

2006-12-07T15:13:00.000-05:00

Well I made it through the day, and only time will tell how much damage was really done. And whatever happens, I know that over time I will be able to loose whatever I gain. I'm awesome that way.

Ground Zero, 2:13 pm:

2006-12-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, one too many cookies and another jug of water and I am too full. I really think it's the water that's doing it though, which is good.

Most of the food (except for the cookies and the candy) is now put away for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will try to restrain myself to the cabbage unstuffed and perhaps 1 ham bbq, maybe a very small piece of cake. No snacks, plenty of water. We have been inviting lots of people who were not i on our party back to eat tomorrow, so hopefully most of the really bad stuff will be gone after tomorrow.

The trouble with these parties is that, as much as you try to tell yourself otherwise, they never truly last for only one day. It's best to come up with some kind of plan for getting through the additional days. It's ok to have one splurge day, more than that and you're just asking for scale trouble. I think that my game plan's pretty good. Because the dish I brought in is a meal, and a yummy filling low point one at that, and because I made a ton of it, I can get away with just eating that the days following, and I'm still participating in the week long food fest and still staying within plan.

Ground Zero, 12:54 pm:

2006-12-07T12:50:00.000-05:00

I am trying to pace myself, and as a result, I'm not stuffed like everyone else. I had a ham bbq, and it was ok, though really cinnameny. They just cut the cake, but told them I was going to have a piece later. I would rather have one piece later than one now and one later. Besides, I am comfortable right now, and I'm afraid anything else would put me over the edge. I am trying to monitor my hunger levels carefully and let my body tell me where I stand and what I should do regarding the mountains of food.

I still cannot stay away from the sweet temptation of peanut M&M's, why must they call to me so?

Ground Zero, 12:10 pm:

2006-12-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, I had one piece of chicken - a leg. yes I ate the skin, and I enjoyed every bite - it was sooo good, but really greasy. I am not planning on having any more. I made sure that what I took the most of was my own dish (side note - Jay said he could tell mine was healthy because it wasn't greasy at all) I took a little of the cheese dip (soooo good!) and a little of the asian cole slaw. I've not yet had a ham bbq sandwich - but at least I brought my own buns on that one.

The cookies haven't been opened yet and the cake has not been cut.

I need to stay as far away as possible from that delectable dip. I can do it, I know I can. Even saying it here, to all of you, helps to shush that voice in the back of my head telling me that I want more. My laziness will be an asset here as it has to be heated up before eaten....

Update from ground zero

2006-12-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

Well the day has arrived. Depending on my work load, I'll be posting updates throughout the day.

I saved most of my extra points for today, and I'm hoping I don't gain on Saturday because his is at the end of the week.

People are bringing in even more food than they said they would. There are bags of candy now pored into dishes - peanut M&M's, hershey kisses, mini dark milky ways. The Peanut M&M's are proving hard to stay away from. Someone brought in these cream cheese & bacon bits filled crossonts, I had only one and am trying not to have another - they are sooo good. I think I could make a low fat equivilent, I'll have to look into it.

I am drinking mucho amounts of water. This is keeping my stomach full to the point where I am overly full so I actively don't want any food. Luckily the food table is not right next to me, nor can I see it (or smell it yet- nothing has been heated)

I had breakfast this morning, I didn't want to walk in starving.

I am doing the best that I can - everything that is reasonable and within my power.

Food Fest Crisis

2006-12-05T10:38:00.000-05:00

We are having our holiday food fest here at work on Thursday. I know this will be scarily point high, but I have known about it for over a week so I am trying to do damage control. I only ate a handful of extra points over the weekend. I am bringing in cabbage unstuffed which is low in points, filling and a "meal item".
Other items on the menu:
Fried chicken from George Aiken (aack! But I can have one small piece)
Jello poke cake (as deserts go, we could be having a lot worse, at least the frosting is cool whip)
chocolate chip cookies (again, I can have one)
ham bbq (I am bringing in my own 1 point buns to minimize damage)
asian coleslaw (still not a horrid choice, I can have a little
beef/cheese dip (by far the worst, I will only have a little to be polite - it's super super yummy but the highest in points by far)

Yet another "LUCY" moment

2006-12-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

OK, so all day I'm walking around wondering why my sweatpants keep creeping down in the back. I actually started freaking out that somehow my butt grew significantly over the weekend (I just wore them last week with out any issues). I went to the store and kept checking myself out in every mirror and window to see what was going on back there. Well I'm happy to say that, no, my behind has not expanded in record time but I've been in fact walking around with my pants on backwards all day. Ya, think I could use more sleep or at least assistance dressing in the morning??????

Hunger vs. thirst

2006-12-04T12:28:00.000-05:00

I learned many moons ago, (from Joanne) that when you are thirsty your body sends your brain the same signals as when you are thirsty. Now I sit here right now it is 12:08 pm. I have had (core) mashed potato pancakes for breakfast, a banana and a hard boiled egg and I am feeling hungry. I cannot possibly be hungry, but to drink I have had nothing but a 16 ounce cup of coffee. I must be thirsty but it's amazing how hungry I feel right now.

The body is a pretty strange and wonderful thing.

stupid chock full of points cookies

2006-11-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

I would like to go on record as saying that as yummy as the kaufmann's cookies are, they are in no way worth 12 points.

I just had my first one - a co-worker brought them in and Robyn always use dto go on and on about how good they were, so I made the rash decision of trying one before asking Robyn how many points they were (she was at lunch so I couldn't call right then, and I odn't know what came over me, but I wanted one right then). I thought I would be ok since I hadn't had any of my snacks all day. I mean, I'm not un-ok, but I am certainly suffering points wise. I have 2 left for the day and I will be getting 3 back this evening from my aerobics class. So five for dinner - I will be totally ok as long as I don't have any snacks tonight. Can I do it? I hope so. I have been good all week, though I haven't had as much water as I should, but points wise, while I think I went over a little bit, I have been mostly ok. I'm back on the wagon baby!

A rant. I am so mad at myself I don't even feel like I deserve a picture.

2006-11-17T08:37:00.000-05:00

So I pretty much feel like I am spiraling out of control. I'm sure a lot of this is forgetting-to-take-prozac related, but I am not going to wait a month in a half for it to kick in to start loosing (or stop gaining!) again. I am furious at myself for my completely lack of control when it comes to what I put into my mouth. It would be so very easy to blame the things going on in my life, but I really think it's just me. I'm trying to grab hold of fog. or sometimes, snow. When I grab it first thing in the morning it's solid, it is right where I can see it and I can feel it in my hands and have a good grasp of it. But as the day goes on, it melts and I try really hard to keep it in my hands, but it's turned to water and just filters out. I try to put it in a container that I think is leak proof, but by the end of the day it turns out I put it in a colander after all. The only way it seems to stay together is keeping it outside, where it stays solid for other people but is just slightly out of my grasp.

What is my problem. Is this the lowest weight I will ever be? Will I ever be able to reach my goals? It really truly doesn't feel like it. I am so frustrated and angry at myself. And I don't want a lot of "you can do it!" or "don't give up!" comments, because I am not someone who gives up, I am not on the verge of giving up or anything. When Joanne brought up the subject "what is going to make you not give up and come back in January this holiday season" or whatever it was she said, I'm glad I wasn't there (I came in as she was saying it) because I would have nothing to add, because the truth is, I would have had nothing to add. In fact, that was the first thing ever that made me think about giving up. The idea had honestly never even crossed my mind. And even when I thought about it, I dismissed it immediately, the thought just seemed totally foreign in my head.

Anyway, I just feel like I am fighting this impossible uphill battle and I can't for the life of my figure out where the hell to get any rock climbing gear.

chocolate dilema

2006-11-09T14:27:00.000-05:00

Ok so this new show I am doing (The Sunshine Boys. We open Friday, November 10 (tomorrow!) and will be showing every Friday and Saturday starting at 7:30 through November 25 at Comtra Theatre in Cranberry. Please see www.comtratheatre.com for directions and more info) is leading to some definate off program problems. ok, one big off program problem. One of the props is a gigantic box of chocolate - and of course the actress goes out and buys my favorite kind. ug. So I (and everyone else in the show) have been grabbing a piece or five here and there. I thought I would be able to handle it, but I totally can't.

So I came up with 2 solutions.
1) buy WW candy and bring that - at least I'll know how many points I'm consuming, they're pretty good and they'll fill that choco-sweet craving in pretty much the exact same way as the chocolates that are on set all the time.
2)buy a bag of peppermint patties (1 pt each!) and bring it to share with the cast. I'll still know how many points I'm consuming, they are not as addictive (to me) and I'll look like a wonderfuly giving person.

I already picked which one I am going to do, can you guess which one?

BIRTHDAY PROPS

2006-11-07T08:29:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA!!!! NOW WHERE DID I PUT THAT LOW FAT CAKE!!! OOPS I ATE IT!!!

yey for me!

2006-11-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

Well today is my birthday and you know what that means! CAKE! Ha. Actually, not really. Since there is chocolate aplenty on the set of the new show I am doing, I have used all my activity points already this week. And so, while I am treating myself to Chinese food from my fav downtown Chinese restaurant for lunch, I am getting Chicken with broccoli & hot & sour soup, which is well within my points allowance and also some of my favorite food. I am going to try very hard to stay on program this week, birthday or no birthday. It is hard though. A gentleman in my show makes wine and brought me a bottle of it yesterday - I am going to try to save that for a week where I have some points to spare.

In other over-eating news, similarly to Joanne earlier this year, this is a very emotional time of year for me. My mother died November fourth eleven years ago, so there's that anniversary, and then there's the anniversary of my fiancé's death coming up in December. While these things do get easier with each passing year, the emotions never really go away. It doesn't help that those are intermingled with holidays that are really all about being with your family, and it's difficult to focus on the "family" part of those holidays rather than the "food" part. Both have depressing aspects. But I'm strong, and the thing about me is that through this entire journey, I am one of the rare people who have never given up. The idea of quitting, ever, has never even crossed my ming - it's simply not an option for me. That's pretty much how I am with everything in my life (everything big - I quit little things all the time, I can't tell you how many unfinished cross stitch and knitting projects I have floathing around...) and I don't see that changing any time soon.

candy bars are Satan's main course

2006-11-02T11:12:00.000-05:00

I have so much on my mind lately. How Halloween, despite being my favorite holiday, is evil for those of us with trick or treaters in the house when we are trying to loose weight(and those of us who have coworkers who bring in left over candy to the office). How, even though my birthday isn't until next tuesday, I have been eating like it's my birthday. How I am currently terrified of the scale. How I feel like I have been slacking on my activity. How I feel like this journey currently seems like it's impossible. How I'm going to gain all 97 lbs back this week. How I am annoyed and frustrated and angry that I could be so very close to triple didgets in weight loss, and then I have to sabatoge myself becuase I have a severe lack of self control. Yes, I could talk for pages on all of these and more, but this post isn't about all that.
This is about a tiny yet huge positive thing that happened o me today. I had a very very bad morning here at work. I got yelled at by my boss (and I never get yelled at by her). It shook me up bad enough that I was in tears. The important thing about all this is how I dealt with it in the end. I could have gone to the vending machine or even to any number of coworkers desks and scarfed down candy bar after candy bar. But I didn't. I didn't even want any of that. Part of my job is physical, and that part I tend to spread out over the course of the day or two or three days. But today I wanted to work off all that anger and upsettedness, so I compacted all that into a couple hours of hard physical work and I felt better afterwards. If I had the time an dthe clothes, I probably even would have gone for a run to work it off. I am really proud of myself for not turning to food as a crux for my emotion, instead turning that anger and frustration into something much more healthy and fulfilling.

And the Winner is.....

2006-10-26T13:34:00.000-05:00

Boredom!!!!

This one word is why I eat, it is why I have so much difficulty staying on program.

Tuesday I had meetings all day, woke up around 7:30 with my son, got myself showered and dressed, made breakfast for both of us and cleaned, played for a bit, by that time it was 10:30 and I had to take him to daycare and head to my first meeting at 11:30 in Oakland. With me I bought one apple already sliced up, a bottle of water and a bag of pretzel thins. Finished up my meeting, packed up and got in my car, between downtown and Oakland while driving I ate my apple and some of my water. Went to my second meeting at 1:15pm. Did that meeting finished up around 2:15 and headed home, on the ride I ate my pretzel thins. Sat at home for about an hour, working on my paperwork from the 2 meetings, while shoveling in a 5 point piece of left over buffalo chicken lasagna. Headed out to meet Erin at 4 at Bob Evans. Ordered a fruit and yogurt plate and coffee at there and barely touched the fruit or yogurt. Drove to her meeting to work as a receptionist, did the meeting and got home around 8. When I got home I put together a salad and had that.

Now, My day was crazy right, eating became something I had to do. I wasn't bored, so I never felt the need to go get food, but I knew I needed to get my target points in so I forced food on myself. I ate my points and I didn't want for anything all day.

Today I am at my everday job, I obviously have spare time here (i'm posting to this blog, aren't I) all I want to do is eat.

So the key to weight loss for me apparently is stay busy.

Can't do that, not here so I guess I have to do what I am doing now, have healthy snacks so I avoid the vending machine.

What drives me crazy is I know I am not hungry, I am bored, and even though I try to do things to keep me busy, that feeling of wanting food never goes away.

It's like a never ending battle... that's ok, I like being at goal enough to keep fighting it.

Fabulous food find!

2006-10-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

With the amount of points I get going down down down (both a good and a bad thing) I've been on the prowl for new lower point items. One of my severe trouble areas is after lunch, when I get a craving for something sweet. I am not talking sweet like a piece of fruit, I am talking sweet like a candy bar, ice cream, cake, etc. You know, a true dessert. If I don't bring something with me to work, then I am forced to buy something from the vending machine. And while sometimes they do have rice krispie treats (3 points!) usually they don't and I have to get something that can run me anywhere from 5-7 points. And with my ever dropping point allowance, even 3 points (or 2 really!) for a snack/dessert can be a little steep, esp in the middle of the day when I'm not always 100% sure what the evening will bring.

Well the other day Robyn and I discovered Jell-o sugar free reduced fat pudding snacks. They are new, and get this, they are only ONE POINT each. ONE. We couldn't believe it either, but it's true. It's not as thick as the other ones, but it is so tasty. And only 60 calories! Our Giant Eagle has 2 flavors, a chocolate mint (my personal fav) and the other one is a chocolate coffee flavor (I can't remember the exact wording of either flavoring. Both are very very good. I'm not a very good judge of if they have that fake sweetener taste because apparently my taste buds have adapted, so I can't make any promises on that front. They really do the trick for me, though. A very satisfying sweet treat after lunch that doesn't throw me off program for the rest of the day.

Game of LIFE....

2006-10-19T11:58:00.000-05:00

So it's been awhile since I've posted my own thoughts...Which I have had more than my share of recently....But unfortunately too many of then have been stressed-induced ones and not appropriate to spout off about all the time!

So how does one get rid of these unhelpful thoughts?? I found myself entertaining myself this morning during the commute thinking of board games, esp. from childhood. (I'm usually listening to a audio book- but have finish the last JEvanovich -very good- and am waiting for my next selection)
So back to games..(I digress) I always enjoyed playing CLUE--loved CLUE, but I began to think about names of games and how they apply to my LIFE....

Sometimes LIFE is Candyland, sometimes its SORRY (with a pop-o-matic bubble).
Heck, sometimes it's HungryHungryHippos!
There's always a bit on Monopoly-esp. as I age. A little PICK-UP-STICKS every once in a while.
But overall, I'd say my LIFE is SHOOTS AND LADDERS; some ups, some downs, but can usually end up on top (or at least higher that where I started).

What game names can you identify with?

Asian Pears, friends and weight loss

2006-10-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

First of all, asian pears... super yummy, super filling. They rock.

Second of all, when you lose weight and change as a person, you make new friends, but you also lose some along the way. The ones that are happy for you and adaptable to the ever changing you, stay while there are others that seem to lose sight of who you are or can't keep up with how much you are changing, those friendships end. It's sad but a true statement of weight loss. You can lose more then weight.

During the Getting Started Session, the leaders talk about changing from the inside and the tools for living. This is key to losing weight and keeping it off. It really has so little to do with the numbers and so much to do with the psychology and emotions that to truly be sucessful you have to change on the inside as well. This can be very scary and hard for your friends and family(hell it can be scary for you as well)and some just can't take it and move on. The hard part is not letting that fact hold you back.

This has been a long journey for me, I have recently seen some friends leave, but when I look at it, were they truly my friends. I don't know, but the ones that are still with me, still loving me, watching me change and adapting, those are my true friends and I cherish them.

Plus I have this amazing new group of friends. You guys rock as much as Asian pears!!!

Worship me!!!

2006-10-13T09:12:00.000-05:00

Somehow I have become the weight loss guru around here (at work). This morning I had an email exchange with a lady who went through gastric bypass and has gained back 15 lbs. She wanted to know how many points she should be eating, which led to an email from her telling me she is going to cut out sugar "to start with". When people say this I just envision me screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" leading to a slow motion scene of me stuffing a piece of bread in their mouth or something. Why do people think the answer is "giving up sugar" People, sugar is not the enemy! Damn you Adkins! Damn you to hell! (disclaimer: I do not really wish Mr. Adkins is in hell, I'm sure he's in a very nice sugar free after life)

The second weight loss conversation I had this morning was with a friend of mine from the mail room. He told me he is going to give his barber(?!?) my number because this guy wants to loose like 80 lbs or something. Um...what am I really supposed to tell this guy? "Join Weight Watchers"? This is not the first time this has happened either. I think it's great that people are so inspired and impressed with me that they talk to their barbers and supermarket baggers about me, but really, you people know how I lost the weight! Can't you just say "my friend/co-worker/girl I know lost 90 some lbs on Weight Watchers"?

No biting PLEASE!

2006-10-13T06:24:00.000-05:00

To answer Peggy's earlier question. "How many points would it be if I bit some one?" I'm pretty sure the answer to that is zero, as long as you don't break skin! Sounds like a few of us have had some frustrating moments lately. Present company included. Luckily we have each other to vent on and laugh with. That has been my recent stratigy....laugh at anything that upsets me. Think about it, most things that happen have at least one obsurd angle that you just have to laugh at. Plus I once read that laughing burns more calories then crying! Can't wait to see everyone tomorrow!

time goals and family strife's

2006-10-12T09:37:00.001-05:00

I really should have learned by now to stop setting date goals for myself. You know - I want to loose X amount by X date. I never ever manage to do it and then I always end up being really disappointed in myself. Yet I keep doing it. Goals are good, and date goals may work for some people, but not for me.

Another thing I do but I shouldn't, is care what my parents think. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much, and they are very supportive and well meaning. In fact, I have my step mother to thank for my joining weight watchers to begin with. The problem is, they want me to loose weight for what I think are all the wrong reasons. They care way too much about appearances.

See, I am not one of those people that has been overweight my whole life. There was a time when I was very thin. I also don't have genes working against me. I don't think there is one overweight person in my blood line. So when I get a compliment when I'm home for xmas from one of my relatives (like someone who married in) about how great I look, and I make the mistake of telling my dad or step mom, and they say "well they didn't know you when you were thin"...well that kinda makes me feel like sh*t. They don't mean for it to be insulting, but really it is. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of what I have to deal with around the holidays (or any time I go back home) And so I feel this great amount of pressure to loose a ton of weight before I see them again. I really need to stop worrying about what they think so much. I just feel like they are so disappointed in me for how slowly I have lost. Which is probably really silly. I know that they love me and just want me to be happy, but why do they have to make these little insulting but well meaning comments, and why do I have to revert to who I was before and not just say "I know you mean well, but I feel that was a very insulting thing to say" instead just letting it piss me off internally and getting all depressed and then eating all the chocolate in the room. Vicious cycles, they're everywhere. And they all lead to disaster on the scale.

waaaaa!!!

2006-10-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

I miss my meeting.

Two weeks ago, I had to mentor at a different meeting so I couldn't make it. Last weekend, my hubby took me on an overnight excursion for my birthday so I missed that meeting. This weekend, I'm going to visit my father in upperstate PA leaving on Friday so I will miss this weekend as well. Yes, I could go to another meeting, but I miss my meeting. I miss my leader and all the friends I have made there. I hate when life gets in the way.

I don't comprehend people who do this program and don't go to the meetings regularly. I need them to keep on track, I need to reconnect with those people that I have plowing down this path of weight loss with for the last 2 years.

This sucks,

I'm hoping to make it to the meeting on the 21st. I'll keep my fingers crossed that life won't get in the way again.

Reactions on loss

2006-10-04T09:09:00.000-05:00

I started Weight Watchers in an at work program. It only lasted one session (10 weeks I think?) but weight watchers had been working so well for me and my best friend had rejoined weight watchers by then so I started going to another meeting (and eventually ended up at the awesomeness that is our meeting). Well most of the people at my at work meeting do work here, but there were a couple who were friends of people who work here. It's been a long time, almost 2 years since I started with at work. So while most of the people in my original meeting see me nearly every day, there are a couple who haven't seen me in a couple years. I just passed one of those women in our reception area. And she started freaking out. She could not believe how much I lost or how great I looked. It was such an awesome reaction, the best I have ever gotten by far.

Music mania

2006-09-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

I am not someone who generally listens to the words when it comes to music - I just mostly sort of go with the tune or the beat or whatever on deciding whether or not I like a song (Robyn has ruined so many songs for me by telling me the meaning behind them - who knew that one song was about a woman wanting to shoot her boyfriend because he cheated on her? It had a good beat)
So this weeks meeting has me listening to the words to the songs on my ipod. After listening all day while I was in my car driving around, I finally found one I think is my theme song. It's a really obscure song by the supersuckers called "Here I am" and here are they lyrics:

here I am on my way
down another road I have paved
with every good intention I saved
and hearts that I broke

as for me I got scars
for evey mile I traveled so far
and some blood on my hand
here I am

with a song in my heart
and an attitude from the start
I took everybody apart
to see how they worked

I got friends that I owe
I aint naming names
cause they know
where they stand

here I am, here I am
here I am, here I am

If I went back where I've been
and I knew what I know now then
well I'd probably do it again
cause I'm just a man

at the end of the day
I got nothing to say
but here I am, here I am
here I am, here I am
here I am, here I am

I guess this song could be taken in a negative way, but that's not how I hear it. I am proud of how far I've come and I am proud of my scars. And those people I owe? Totally you guys and the rest of the saturday morning meeting peeps. So yeah, this song fits with my weight loss journey I think. Plus, it has a really good tune.

Quotes of the week!

2006-09-26T14:15:00.000-05:00

This isn't something that happened to me, it's something I did - Jackie, upon recieving lifetime

It's called the present because it's a gift - Sherri

Work Sucks!!!

2006-09-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

You know what makes it so hard to stay on program when I am at work? My job is so freaking boring. Honestly, I spend 80 percent of the day searching the internet for nothing, posting to the blog or my live journal, reading my friends journal entries... anything to keep from being bored to tears.

I've never been much of a comfort eater, I've never been one of those people who eats when they are upset. I've always been a boredom eater. At home, I can find things to do if I am bored. Here I just suffer and all I can think to do is eat. I like it when I have absolutely no money in my wallet, then I can't go to the vending machines.

argggghhhh,,,, I'm so bored right now. Keep the food away!!!

Andrea and I don't share a brain, we swear!!!!

2006-09-25T08:45:00.000-05:00

So this week is a test of how easily the two WW plans work together. Andrea is doing Flex and I am doing Core. We both have extra points left, (which is huge for us on a monday). We are eating different things, but dinners we can work together on. Some Core foods are high in points, like polenta so we ate on Friday to keep the higher point foods away. It's tough for me though. She has some yummy snacks that are not core in the house now and while I have extra points I don't have a ton left so I have to use them wisely.

I'll let you know how it plays out.

By they way, we has such great celebrations this week, 3 lifetimers and so many people having lost. It was great to be there. Congrats to everyone.

Looking on the bright side

2006-09-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

WOW!!!

After this afternoons class I earned 32.5 activity points this week! Go me!

Weight Watchers Blessings

2006-09-22T07:54:00.000-05:00

The positive things about this week on Weight Watchers for me:
-having a super cool super supportive leader
-getting activity in every single day
-going to 7 aerobics classes this week
-today's first one was at 6am this morning
-Tuesday's second one was an advanced class - it kicked my ass, and I don't think I'll be going again for a very long while, but I did it, I completed it, something I NEVER would have been able to do before
-my new awesomely awesome WW pedometer - I have been trying to get 8,000 steps a day, and I have been doing it and even more some days!
-early Saturday morning WW meetings
-getting all my water in

2006-09-20T10:20:00.000-05:00

I am totally out of control his week

HELP!!!

I think I'm going back to points next week, I really need to write things down

The importance of goals

2006-09-20T09:53:00.001-05:00

This weekend was basic leader training for me. And while I learned a lot about Weight Watchers. I learned even more about myself.

One thing I learned is that I need to change my weight goal. I have a number that my leader and I set together. I did it so I wouldn't have to pay anymore, so that I could be lifetime. But truthfully I always knew that I didn't want that to be my number. I wanted to be 10 pounds smaller. I wanted that to be my personal goal. I thought Ok, set my WW goal then lose after you get to lifetime and get to that number you really want.

So after 2 months of maintenance I realized that I'm allowing that WW goal number to be a cushion for me. I'm within goal so I'm ok. But I'm not really. I know I want to lose 10 more pounds and as long as I feel like I have this buffer I'm never going to do it.

I start out the week with all intention of doing Core with my 35 extra so that I can lose. Then something happens and I start adding points. On maintenance I can have 63 extra points, so when I blow it, I go, that's ok, I have that extra 28, I'll maintain this week.

When you do this every week, you never see that scale go down and I get no closer to that goal.

So in attempt to reign myself back in, I'm going to official change my goal weight to 5 pounds less then what I have it now. If I do this, I will force myself to hover below it as protection and be much closer to my personal goal.

The other thing I realized it how important exercise is to maintenance. I mean you know these things, but when you are surrounded by 20 other people who are trying to keep it off, you watch what they do. The ones that seemed to be having less struggle were those that were really working in the activity. Finding time to get on the treadmill, swim in the pool, walk around outside at lunch, and run around the neighborhood. It was inspiring to watch and a big reminder that I don't move enough.

I'm working on changing my gym to one that has classes that I think are fun (Zumba) and has child care, and is closer to my house. All of these things are going to make it easier for me to get in my activity. I'm also going to get a pedometer and the walking kit. I will make this happen, gather my tools and get to work.

Maintenance is hard, and I don't need to add stress to it by not being happy where I am.

The saga of Haloween OREO"S

2006-09-19T07:49:00.000-05:00

Well, have you seen them? The orange OREO'S that arrive in the stores this time of the year. They are the best OREO'S by far. Not quite double stuff but more the the original..."stuff" and 1/2 is how I affectionately refer to them. It was just me and them in Giant Eagle. Our eyes met and I knew I was doomed. I paced the store a few times before picking them up. Putting some distance between us gave me time to devise a plan. The boys were having friends over after the football game for a sleepover and Madden '06 tournament. What better method of portion control then a pack of teenage boys! So I brought them home. Didn't open them until they were home that evening. I took out 4 (which is technically 2 servings....give me a break!!!) and 6 pts. Then I took the rest upstairs and told them not to sleep until they were all gone. As I walked down the stairs I heard one say to my son "I don't get your mom sometimes" DJ replied "sometimes"? "you have NO idea". So, I'm a little nuts BUT I had my OREO's and I'm good until next year this time.

Quote of the week

2006-09-14T18:41:00.000-05:00

From last weeks meeting - on why he weighs things like fruit instead of putting them in measuring cups-

"I don't want to get screwed by the void"- Mohammed

This actually stopped our meeting cold for 30 seconds while the leader composed herself so she could go on.

A night out

2006-09-12T08:08:00.000-05:00

Last night some friends took Robyn and I out to dinner as a thank you for taking care of their pets while they were out of town. We went to a really nice place called Willow. Now as many of you know, Robyn and I are currently flexing our Core muscles, which can making eating out challenging. Especially when you have reservations for 8pm and are starving when you get there and then they not only put warm bread in front of you, but a plate of oil+cheese as well. Off to a bad start. Then our friend gets a bottle of wine. DANGER! DANGER!

However, looking on the positive, we both ordered some kind of grilled chicken. Mine had a cream sauce, but it wasn't one of those places where they smother the food in the sauce, it was sort of lightly drizzled on. The sides we ended up ordering certainly weren't core, and we did end up getting 1 dessert and splitting it with one of our friends (and god it was good - some kind of lemon meringue truffle thingy - and there was chocolate involved) . Ok, so I pretty much used up ALL of the 25 points I had left for the week and I still have to face another restaurant with friends tomorrow, but it was totally worth it. I will even order a salad tomorrow if I have to in order to not use up any more points. Plus I still have 6 more aerobics classes between now and Saturday morning, so I will be getting some points every day that I will be able to use, so I'm not totally screwed.

Cause I had a bad day.......

2006-09-11T16:16:00.000-05:00

This time of year is rough for me. I'm normally a pretty perky person but this time brings a lot of sadness for me. My Mother died on August 27, 3 years ago, my mother in law (who I was very close with) died on August 29, 5 years ago and my father died on Sept. 22 when I was 9. Plus even though I joke about wanting the boys to go back to school I do miss them. It's always brief though because I LOVE Oct. My anniversary and birthday are in Oct. and I love the weather and colors and smells of fall. But getting through these couple of weeks is work. This past weekend was my mothers birthday and next weekend is my mother in laws. I was feeling very sad and tired so on Sunday I gave myself permission to be lazy and eat whatever I wanted. No guilt, just enjoy and move on. I got some great comfort food all lined up, my favorite movies and prepared to slug out on the couch for the entire day. I was really looking forward to it. I ended up going for a walk because Megan insisted then I only got 1/4 of the way through the Strawberry cheesecake icecream when my body said.."NO WAY". It was so yummy but I immediately felt lousy, physically. I was really bummed out, I really wanted to eat and be lazy. I did enjoy the rest of the day . Switching between a good book, a good movie and pampering my feet and hands with a pedicure /manicure. Not worrying about cleaning or cooking for anyone. It goes to show that food is not the answer...even when you REALLY want it to be. Today is a better day. Mainly because I don't have a food hangover which I'm sure I would have had I eaten everything I had planned. Plus my feet and hands look really good. Once you change.....there's no going back ...even if you want to . This is a very good thing!

I'm a Dancing Queen!!!

2006-09-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Saturday night I went out to a bar near my house with a friend and a coworker to listen to a 70's band.

The band was appropriately called "Dancing Queen" and boy did I dance. I danced non-stop except when the band took breaks. I got there at 10 and I left at 1 so that was 3 hours straight with two 15 minute breaks. I checked it on e-tools, I got like 5 activity points for it. I'm not taking them all. But not all exercise has to be aerobics or walking.

It was so much fun, but what does this have to do with weight loss, only that 60 pounds ago there was no way I would have been able to do that. I was never extremely heavy but I have always been extremely out of shape. Now I am lighter on my feet, I dance harder and more, without getting winded. I can jump around, I am more confident in my own skin, I would dance up and sing with strangers and get the band members to sing to me.

Before I would find myself having fun, but trying very hard not to be the center of attention. Now I want it all, I want to be who everyone looks at.

My coworker thought I was insane, I was dancing and singing like a maniac, and I did not have one drink. I was drinking tonic and lime (which is core, how cool is that) and I was acting crazier then her.

I really love the new me!!!

?!?!?!?!?!

2006-09-08T19:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, the scale at the gym officially su-ucks. Aparently I gained 6 pounds. In a day! How is that possible? Stupid scale.

Aerobics ramblings

2006-09-08T07:41:00.000-05:00

I have actually reached the point at my gym where the receptionist not only knows me, but expects me. Yesterday I was EXHAUSTED. I hardly slept at all and I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. But I sucked it up and went to my aerobics class anyway. I knew I'd have to pick up the veggies afterwards and I'm the only one in my household that really knows where they are and I had also told Fran (someone who I see at all my 4:30 classes) that I would be there. Plus, you know, after this past disasterous weekend I could use all the help I could get. I NEEDED those points! So I went and it was a good thing too because it turns out that Fran and I were the only ones there and Merideth said she wasn't going to do the class for only one person. As soon as I walked in, the receptionist said "there she is!" I guess they'd been waiting to see if I'd show so Meredith could see if she was going to do the class or not.

The gym scale was nice to me last night. If it was accurate, I have actually lost a couple pounds this week, bringing me back down to my lowest point again. I don't deserve to loose this week after the weekend I had, but I have been working my ass off at the gym, so maybe I do deserve it after all.

Robyn has actually found an aerobics class she likes. It's called Turbo Kick and this woman Pam teaches it. We went Wed night (which after tonight will make 5 classes I've taken this week - and I wonder why I'm so sore!). She was so not looking forward to it, but she agreed to give it a shot. As a general rule, she hates aerobics, but this class was happening at the right time and it was supposed to be a kick boxing one, so we went. It ended up being a sub (Pam) doing Turbo Kick and Robyn ended up liking it enough that she wanted to find out when the actual Turbo Kick classes were. There was one today at 6am (!) that she wanted to go to, and I said I wanted to go too, hoping it would energize me for the day. So we left the house at 5:45am (!!!) only to discover that the class was cancelled. ARG. Oh well, we will try again next week and also next tuesday I am going to try to talk Robyn into going back to the original kick boxing class to see what that's like. I'm trying to increase my activity since as my schedule stands I only do stuff Tues-Fri and I don't like leaving that 3 day chunk completely devoid of activity. There's a Turbo Kick class tomorrow at 1:30 I'm going to try to make. Robyn has a meeting so she can't go with me, but maybe she will next week.

It is just so insane to me how adicted I am to these classes. Even when I'm in them sometimes I'm like "god when is this going to be over" and constantly watching the clock, but still something compells me to go. Two years and 90 lbs ago, I never ever would have dreamed that this would be me. I am a friggin aerobics junkie. What happened to me? When did I transform? This truely isn't just about the weight, it's about being fit. Being able to climb a set of stairs without feeling like my lungs are going to explode. About being about to jog a block (esp after the bus!) without a second thought or wondering if I are ever going to be able to catch my breath.

Because I was asked to

2006-09-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

this is that cookie recipe that I brought to the meeting this weekend

It came from the Weight Watchers Annual recipes for Sucess 2005 published by Oxmoor House

Brownie Oatmeal Drops

1/4 cup butter
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup uncooked regular oats
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
cooking spray

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2 Microwave butter and chocolate in a small bowl at high 35 seconds or until chocolate begins to melt. Stir chocolate mixture until smooth.
3. Beat chocolate mixture, sugar, and next 3 ingredients in a large bowl until smooth.
4 Combine oats, flour, baking powder, and salt; add to butter mixture, stirring just until blended. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 2 inches apart onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray.
5. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 9 minutes or until cookie centers are almost done. Cool 5 minutes on pans. Remove from pans: cool completely on wire racks.

Yields 30 cookies --- 1 point per cookie.

Detox-- or re-detox

2006-09-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

So last week, around Wed I was feeling pretty horrible. I had been eating so poorly that I actually felt bad all over. Just a general blah. My body is not used to that kind of poor intake. So following the advice of a good friend, I decided to Detox. I was perfect. All day Thursday and Friday, I followed the core program to the T. I only ate core foods, drank water, I even made 30 cookies without a bite lick or taste, or even sample cookie for myself. I was perfect, i went for a walk on Friday of 3 miles that was pretty hard because it was up and down hill and I had James in the stroller.

Saturday morning, went into Weight Watchers feeling good but expecting another gain because I'd only been good 2 out of 7 days. I lost amazingly, I lost 4 pounds, I was impressed and ready to start another week.

Then we headed to Philly to spend Labor Day weekend with some friends. On the ride up the choice for lunch was, Nathan's, Burger King or Starbucks. Went with Burger king, got the salad feeling good still, brought fruit for the ride up. Got to my friend's house and it all went down hill from there. This was a weekend of food, incredibly yummy, bad for you food, but good food nonetheless.

Snacks consisted of, garlic bagel chips, (OMG, so good) Dinner was a fabulous roast pork, with saurkraut and fried perogies, (so good an little just pop them in your mouth).

I get up Sunday morning determined to get back on program. I make some hard boiled eggs for breakfast then things start going down hill again. I'm hungry and today is a picnic for a friends birthday there will be food there so we decide not to eat lunch(big mistake), I pick until 4 oclock when we head over to the party. Let's see what did I eat there, rice krispy treats, cheese, bruchetta, and bread grilled on skewers, london broil, pita and hummus. Incredible potato salad, this was soo good, and I normally don't like potato salad. I ate and ate, that night lying in bed, i felt ill. I just knew I had overdone it again. Another Detox was needed.

Monday morning was breakfast with our friends before we headed out, went to breakfast at a diner and said screw it, had french toast (texas style) and corn beef hash, on the way home, i ate grapes and iced coffee from dunkin donuts then later some beef jerky. In a final move of "screw it" mode, I had a huge container of curry chicken from a chinese restaurant that is one of my favorites in the city and 2 cookies from the batch I made on Friday.

I think I have used my extra points for the next 6 years, but I'm back on program now. I am going to do straight core and not use any extra points if I can help it all week. I know I will feel better after a straight detox for the next couple of days.

I had a fabulous time this weekend, even the bad food I had was stuff I never get at home so I'm not going to feel bad about it.

I'm just going to get back on program and move forward, that's all we can do. Forgive yourself and move on.

Robyn and Andrea's additions to the Core list

2006-08-31T21:17:00.000-05:00

In grocery shopping tonight there were things that we decided should be Core Foods. We demand an explanation as to why they are not!!!

Fat Free Pringles, ingredients include dehydrated potatoes, some chemicals, even a healthy oil, and sugar (sugar doesn't count because it is really low on the list)

Baked Lays (See fat free Pringles)

Ore-Ida Frozen French Fries - ingredients include potatoes, vegetable oil, salt and a bunch of stuff we can't pronounce and soy beans.

Fat free and or sugar free cool whip--- Look it is zero points for a serving so it might as well be
Core, plus there is no fat in one and no sugar in the other. (Fat free and sugar free)

Any cookie with oatmeal in it-- because there is oatmeal in it.

Anything with a "made with Splenda" label on it-- no explanation needed.

Light whole wheat bread-- we can eat whole wheat pasta, and brown rice, but not bread?

Sugar free candy-- again no sugar in it. (and those sugar free Reeses kick butt)

Scrambled eggs--- you can have an egg but you better not scramble it... what is that about?

Beef Jerky-- its lean beef, especially, teriyaki beef jerky since teriyaki is core.

Grape Nuts or Fiber One-- they don't even taste good and they aren't Core, how is that possible?

Raisins-- I mean come on they are just dried grapes and grapes are core.

Nuts-- they should totally be Core, they are so healthy for you, and yeah they are high in fat, but avocados are high in fat and they are core.

Granola-- because raisin, nuts should be and oatmeal is.

Alcohol-- there is grain or barley in it!!!

Fabulous Food finds

2006-08-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

Did a little field trip this past weekend and found a couple of new things. My favorite is The Starbuck's Frappachino java fudge bars. They have a yummy fudge center and a coffee layer on top and get this ONLY 2 PTS!!! Just a ittle bit of heaven for a very smallprice. The other is a new cereal by KASHI called VIVE. It has a hint of vanilla and lots of fiber. The serving size is a whooping 1 1/4 cup. It pts out to 3 points per serving but it's packed with fiber (12 g) and protein so it has lots of staying power plus most impotantly it taste pretty good. Now with all that fiber I wouldn't eat it the same day asa bean dip wrap, high fiber foods should come with a warning ...don't you think. For those of us that are digestively challanged. As an update from the other day, DJ has strep and so consequently so do I. Frappachino bars feel good on the throat!

Bad timing

2006-08-27T17:06:00.000-05:00

Kathleen I feel your pain. No matter how old your kids get when they're sick it sucks the life out of you. My oldest woke up Saturday and said his throat was a little sore. Didn't think much about it but by this morning his tonsils are so swollen he's gagging on them! So gross. Called the Dr. on a Sunday which in 15 years I've NEVER done but he's completely wigged out because tommorow is his first day of H.S. Very important day in his social life, if you can remember those days. Can't do anything for him until he see's him because he thinks it sounds more like mono then strep (OH JOY!!!) If he treats him for the wrong one it will complicate things. So my house is a little stressful...to say the least. On top of that, whatever he has, I think I'm getting. I know I'm getting sick because I baked a pan of choc/PB brownies (WW recipe it's sooo yummy let me know if you want the recipe only 3 pts) and I don't want any. This is bad because I have a very busy week ahead of me....actually two weeks. What does this have to do with weght loss???????nothing...I just needed to vent. Words of sympathy will be appreciated.

I REFUSE!!!!

2006-08-23T07:56:00.000-05:00

I refuse to feel guilty for my bad food behavior over the last two weeks.!!!!
I have been very bad food wise, but this weekend I played 3 hours of dodgeball, tag and play fighting with fake weapons. I kept it up and felt wonderful. I couldn't have done this 2 years ago.

I refuse to worry about what the scale will say on Saturday!!!
I have made this bed, I will sleep in it, come what may. Whatever it says, I have the strength to deal with it. I cannot possibly destroy two years of work with two weeks.

I refuse to feel like a failure!!!!
I am not, I have lost nearly 60 pounds, I reached goal and I am a different more confident person then I was 2 years ago.

I simply refuse!!!!

this & that - it's been a while

2006-08-22T07:58:00.000-05:00

I am having severe WW motivational issues this week. Last week was just a complete disaster, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. The only positive thing was that I went to my aerobics classes. And I think that because we didn't go to a meeting this week or even step on a scale, I didn't get back on track like I needed to and now I'm having a hard time stopping myself from eating - or making the right choices with what I put in my mouth. I need to rethink this and refocus. Maybe go back to basics, find distractions so I am not always thinking about what I will eat next. I am scared to step on that scale this week, but I know I need it. I seriously need a swift kick in the ass. I have worked far too hard to get where I am. I don't want to backslide. Besides, I won't have any clothes, I gave everything that's above a size 14 away.

I keep having to remind myself that it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle, but then why oh why doesn't ben&jerry's coffee heath bar crunch fit into my lifestyle? It just doesn't seem fair. I mean, they sell it so it must fit into someone's lifestyle. Maybe just not someone who has 30 more lbs to loose?

Robyn and I got into a discussion on the way to or from(I forget which) camping this weekend about whether it's possible to be perfectly healthy and quite a bit (say 100 lbs)overweight. There is a huge difference between feeling healthy and being healthy. And even if, by some chance, all your blood tests, etc, come back 100% a-ok, that still doesn't meant that everything is fine and dandy. Your joints were not meant to carry that much extra weight, nor is your heart made to work that hard. Ask any doctor and they will tell you that there is a reason for that little bmi thingamajiggy.

I am a WW nazi, I know this. I get a little tired of people ordering a salad, because look how healthy they are being! And then smothering it with ranch dressing, or it comes covered in cheese and fries and they still smother it in ranch dressing and look how healthy they are being. because it's a salad! Or even telling me what they had for dinner and all about how healthy it is, but when I add it up in my head, that's like an entire weeks worth of points for me. Or worse, those people who say things like "when do these craving for these foods I really want go away - when does it get easier?" you know, those who deny themselves those things they want so so so badly. And I want to say "Join WW because really honestly you can have those thing son WW and still loose weight - You can't have as much as you want whenever you want, but you can have it, you don't have to deny yourself to loose weight, really!" But I don't. I bite my lip because I don't want to sound like I am preaching or trying to sell something. They will more likely than not end up getting defensive and mad at me. I know I would get mad at me.

Ok I'm done with this totally random and probably senseless post. I am going to try and take this one day at a time for now instead of thinking about how far until the next meeting (can't wait to see you guys again!) Today, my goal for today, not for this week, just for today, is to stay on program (which this week is still core) and just have a good day where I am happy with my choices and my self control. It's just one day, I can do this. I know I can

BMI goodness!

2006-08-15T09:53:00.000-05:00

I just put my height and weight into one of those BMI calculator thingies and guess what! I am no longer obese! I am officially "overweight".
This is so awesome, and a huge deal for me. I have been waiting for this! Next step: normalcy!

Bluuuuuuuuuuuuueberries

2006-08-14T09:37:00.000-05:00

So we bought our flat of blueberries, we split them up with some ladies from the our WW meeting.

A flat of blueberries is 12 pints. Andrea and I took half, and the ladies from the meeting took the other half. Plus, Andrea and I got Blueberries with our regular biweekly crate of fruits and veggies.

So on Thursday, for just Andrea and I we together had 7 pints of blueberries. Today is Monday, can you guess how many we have left?

2 1/2, yes, that's it, between us in less then 4 days we have eaten 4 1/2 pints of blueberries, we are going to turn into a blueberry soon and then in 2 days from now we are going to be all depressed when we no longer have them to snack on.

Boy do we have fruit issues :) Well, at least they aren't M & M's.

2006-08-11T14:33:00.000-05:00

ok, NOW I'm back on program....

GPS: the ultimate weight loss cop out.

2006-08-11T07:45:00.000-05:00

Where I work, the Gastric Bypass surgery is fairly common. I can count 6 people off the top of my head who have had this done. One woman even loss less than I have so far when she got it. (she lost around 89, I lost 92- as of 2 weeks ago)
It's no secret how I feel about people having this done. I feel that in some extreme cases it is justified, but I also think that it is way over used by people as a quick fix - a way to loose weight without having to adjust the way they eat or how much exercise they do. I'm not at all saying that it's an easy thing to go through, but I am saying that it's a way to loose the weight in a very unhealthy way without having to use too much willpower and without relearning how to eat - which is why many people gain back the weight.

Yesterday a woman I work with who had GPS quite a while ago happened to be working along side me at something and quietly began talking to me about my weight loss - asking me how much I lost and how long it had taken me, how much I have left to go etc. This woman admittedly looks great, she lost well over 100lbs and seems to have kept it off - although according to a mutual friend, she has gained some back. She also told me that she thinks it's great and that she's impressed and that it's a great commitment I have taken on. I responded how I do to everyone who says similar things to me (though she is the first to use the commitment word which is interesting in and of itself) by smiling, thanking her, making comments about how it isn't easy, but I'm doing my best, etc. However with her I felt a little off. Should I have talked to her about her own weight loss? Complimented her on how good she looks? Asked her how she's doing with the maintaining? I am not a fake person and it would have felt fake to discuss some of these things with her because my face is far too easy to read and my mouth has this tendency to say things before my mind can think ahead to the consequences. I didn't want her to see how much I had disapproved of what she had done and I didn't want to fakely compliment her on a weight loss that I don't think she "earned". Plus I don't really know this woman. Perhaps she had tried everything else and couldn't get the weight off - perhaps there were other underlying medical issues and her doctor saw GPS as her only option. But you know, there isn't much that's a secret where I work, and I don't think this is the case. Besides, there are two other women where I work who had a stern weight loss related talking to by their doctors (the if you don't loose weight you will die talk) and they both made the decision to do something about it in a healthy way and are doing just fabulously in their weight loss journey now - sans surgery. So how should we talk to those with GPS? Does it seem horrible to say nothing about their weight when they compliment you on yours (though I admit I have said "you look great" to some of them, but only in passing when I know it won't lead to a conversation)

In other news, don't laugh but I know I will gain tomorrow I have been less than perfect these past two weeks and I am back on program NOW. I also have resumed my gym routine thanks to my fabulously understanding roommates who still have to cart my ass around. I will probably post more about this later if I have time, but it can really be summed up in one word: Ouch.

Our ever changing appetites

2006-08-09T09:18:00.000-05:00

So, if anyone knows me they know I hate hate hate eggs.... or at least I did. I barely tolerate them unless there is lots of stuff on them to mask the taste. I do eat egg beaters for breakfast but they are usually wrapped in a tortilla or put on an English muffin, covered with cheese and some sort of hot sauce or bean dip with the addition of some kind of meat. I rarely eat an egg on it's own, if I do it is smothered in hot sauce.

Well today I forgot to have my protein this morning, I know I can't make it through the morning without it. I went down to our cafeteria and looked for something low point or core to eat to get my protein. Well, cafeteria sausage and bacon are definitely not low point or core. But they do have hard boil eggs so I decided to try that. I bought one, brought it up to my desk cut it in two and put some salt and pepper on it. It wasn't bad, it was actually pretty good.

I guess, I'm just amazed how our tastes evolve. I guess this is part of the reason that I get so irritated with people in the meetings when they say they hate the taste of fat free food. Try it, you may find it isn't as bad as you think, or perhaps ease into it. Make things with just one ingredient changed out to something fat free and see if you like what it tastes like. I guess I have warmed up to eggs. I know I still won't eat them plain scrambled but I'll eat a hard cooked egg in a pinch and I may actually like it.

The things we do to lose or maintain weight.

2006-08-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I need a scale. I did core last week, and this weekend I believe got a ton of exercise. I was very good on program all last week and since we were away with no weigh in I'm dying to know how good or bad I did. I feel thinner, but that may be a side effect of where I went this weekend. Let me try and explain.

The people we were with and the place we were at is a very progressive environment where no matter what the body type you are seen as beautiful and sacred. I'm not going to get into more detail then that but lets just say, I feel much more comfortable in my own skin after this weekend and perhaps that is why I feel thinner.

I just need a scale so that I can see what it says. Almost like a kind of experiment, how mentally you can be happy but whether the number matches up with that feeling. Then how does the number change that feeling? Or even if it will change that feeling.

I don't own a scale at home so I guess I have to wait until Saturday.

Oh well, at least this weekend taught me just how mental this whole thing truly is. But we all already knew that.

And the Ingrediant is.......

2006-08-07T06:50:00.000-05:00

For those of you that missed.......the ingrediant for the First Monthly IRON CHEF WW competition is......ZUCHINNI! What better start to a dish. Zero points, takes on the flavor of whatever you cooking it with, abundant this time of year..YUMMY!!! Have fun!

Core, anyone??

2006-08-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

Andrea's blog has inspired me to try to do core this week. I know it won't last but I am going to just focus more on core foods. I really feel that when I am doing flex and doing it properly and all that it is basically core with a couple of slip-ups! I just looooove my breakfast cereal and I just won't give it up and I know that I can count it but I like to save my points for margaritas or wine or whatever my crutch-of-the-week is. But I am really going to try to do my best to focus on eating from the core list. The vegetables and fruit are so good that it really isn't difficult. Anyway, that's the deal.

I <3 Core!

2006-07-31T09:05:00.000-05:00

Robyn and i switched to core this week largely because I just couldn't hack 22 points. it was just too hard. I'm sure it'll be easier or I'll be able to handle it better when I go back to counting points, but I think that going to core for a while was the right thing to do. It's so nice not having to count points. And, as an added bonus, it's pretty much impossible (in my opinion) not to follow the Weight Watchers healthy guidelines. I am hungry, it's not meal time and I have fewer extra points left than I'd like, I reach for a banana, some pineapple, or even a glass of skim milk. And I don't feel unsatisfied or like I'm being cheated out of something yummy, because I love all of those things. Eating something that's not on the core list simply isn't an option in my mind right now. And shockingly, I'm totally ok with that. To me, that's way better at this point than counting points. Counting points really sucks sometimes.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING!!!!

2006-07-31T06:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. As my tummy rumbled and girgled and growled like and angry bear cub Saturday morning Sherry reminded me of my Fiber One fiasco and possibly I "O.D'd" on the black bean dip. Seems she was right, I've been off the bean dip and clean for two days now and feeling much better. Zero point black bean dip...good thing. Zero point black bean dip as a wrap for lunch 3 days in a row PLUS as a snack with chips in the evening...bad thing. Will I ever learn??? Feeling really good these days. Decided to stay away from the scale until I have to weigh in at a staff thing on Saturday. This way if the scale is having ups and downs my emotions won't. Got lot's of good veggies at Schrams farm on Friday. The corn is quite delicious. I came up with a new challange and I'm REALLY excited about it. The good health guidlines were OK but this will be far more fun and something we can continue monthly throughout the year. Not going to reveal it here until the end of the week....got to keep it fair. So...stay tuned! Have a great week every one!

mmm mmm...mmm.....

2006-07-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

Thank the goddess for fresh organic produce. Just had the best lunch...

Cabbage unstuffed, made by my bestest friend last night with fresh cabbage
And a plate full of fresh zuchinni, yellow squash, green onions and fennel. Sauted in a pan with a tablespoon of butter and some chicken broth until tender.

I'm full and content.

Plus this time we got blueberries, OMG, they are the sweetest things you will ever taste. Actually, I'm considering buying more, they are selling one flat (12 pints) of blueberries for 39 dollars. Not a great deal but they are so much better then the store bought ones. If anyone is interested in sharing the load with me I can order them. Yum Yum....

Maintenance

2006-07-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I don't know what I am doing. I don't have the book that explains what you do on maintenance and I think I was too in shock on Saturday to ask Joanne! How many points should I be eating, anyway? I have been just weighing myself every day trying to stay close to my goal weight. What is the deal--do I have to hit that number on the nose every week or do I get a little leash on it? (pleeeeeease give me a little leash! Help a sister out!)

I am doing pretty well, except for the weekend I blew it a bit. But I have been exercising regularly and tracking everything so I hope that helps. I just need some help with the specifics.
Thank you ladies!

Tracker, we don't need no stinkin tracker....

2006-07-26T10:05:00.000-05:00

I sooooo need my stinkin tracker. It's amazing that I completely screw up program so bad when I don't track. I'm off the e-tools kick I was on. With only working 3 days a week it is a pain to go on the computer every time I eat something when I am home, so I love writing stuff in my tracker. That's how I make myself accountable. Well, Saturday I completely forgot to pick up another one so I've been trackerless since Saturday and boy have I been absolutely horrible.

My brain, I just don't get it. I mean, what makes me think that I can eat more if I don't track it. I mean I know I'm going over, but if I don't write it down the I guess I can forget that that little escapade with the 3 cookies ever happened. I mean I know I ate it. It eats at me, (the irony of food, it eats back) but I still had that glass of mead when I got home. I still didn't exercise to make up for it. I suck!!!

You would think maintenance would be easier, I mean I know how to do this, I know how to eat 24 points a day, I did it before but why can't I now. I'm so going to gain this week and I'm vaguely considering not getting on that scale but I should. I need to face my own decisions head on. Look at the consequences of my actions and work through them the next week.

I just feel like I am not a very good inspiration, I mean people tell me that I inspire them all the time but then I go over my points by like 10 a day and I think to myself, "how could I possibly inspire anyone when I can't control myself" How can I be a leader when I can't even make myself have enough will power to track without a tracker. It's not like I don't have paper everyone at home and on my desk. Grrrrrr!!!! This is so frustrating. What is wrong with me!!!

How dare they!

2006-07-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article on AOL the other day about a study on lite ice cream products. They did a comparison to some of the top selling brands. Weight Watcher Giant fudge bars was one of them. Every person on the panel said they were the worst thing they had ever tasted!!! Can you believe that??? Those are the most scrumptious, dreamy, creamy one point out there. Where did they find these people???Clearly morons with no taste buds (or maybe Jenny Creig spies). You can't believe what you read. Anyway...... So, Kathleen tell us how your first week of eating more points is going? I would definately say that success is contagious and it's running ramped in our meeting. How exciting, it's amazing what has happened in the past year...... This past week I decided to go on a field trip to the grocery store and I found some new stuff. Cambells Chunky soups came out with a Healthy request line. All about 1-2 points per serving. They have a sausage and chicken gumbo for 2 pts that's really yummy and filling. There is a bunch of other ones. Minute Maid has frozen lemonade tubes for only 1 point. These are great if you like lemonade plus they also come in rasberry lemonade. Jello pudding pops are only 2 pts but they are small. Of course from my email yesterday some of you know that I discovered (thanks to the help of Kathleen) that Wild Salmon is substantially lower then farm raised (and tastes better too). Cost more but what healthy doesn't .... that's a topic for another post. Have a great day and stay cool! It's 9:20 AM and I already got my walk in and drank my water...what have you done?????????

How do you people do it?

2006-07-24T11:37:00.000-05:00

Ok so this week I hit not one, but two of my goals. I hit the 90 lb mark, and I also went down 2 points. The latter is the one I'd like to focus on today.

Oh dear god how the hell do you people do it? I might just have to kill myself when I have to go down to 20 points. This is hard. Really, really hard. Especially when you've had a bad weekend filled with snacks, cookies, chocolate and alcohol like I did. That means my 35 points are GONE. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I had those extra cushiony points to fall back on, but I don't.
It also probably wouldn't be so bad if I was depressed from my horrendous weekend (not food related, other stuff) so I really could go for that cake that is currently sitting in my work kitchen. Or the taffy on the table by my co workers. Or pretty much anything in the vending machine. The only good thing is that I can't drive this week so I won't be able to go anywhere to get the piles of candy that would really truly make me feel better. However, I also have to rely on other people to take me to the gym until I can drive again.

This week is going to be one hell of a test in willpower and creativeness.

I think the wagon has just run me over........

2006-07-21T13:04:00.000-05:00

I got to tell ya it's been one h*** of a ride lately. I picked up some weight in the months when I was dealing with my heart issue but since I got the go ahead to resume *normal* activity I've been so "ON" program. I walk 4-5 miles everyday and track everything. Rarely ever going over my points and the scale won't budge. I've been bouncing 3 pounds for almost 2 months now. I've tried every trick in the book. Flooded myself with water, ate more...ate less. You name it I did it and still no significant progress. If I was this good 6 years ago I would have dropped 15 lbs by now...no lie. I think it might be an hormone/age thing. I'm deffinately going through a pre-menapause thing because I noticed I'm shooting out eggs like a PEZ dispenser these past several months (sorry if TMI) and other "girly" things have changed. I know just because my body is changing doesn't mean I can't knock this off but GRRRRRRRR!! Gettin old is soooooo unfair! I guess the bright side is when it does happen (notice I said when not if) it will be so sweet! When I hit that goal I'm getting my nose pierced(to match my belly button)...my hormones might be getting old but the rest of me isn't!!!

Weight Watchers Has Invaded My Soul

2006-07-20T07:03:00.000-05:00

I have been doing so incredibly well this week. I have tracked every point, haven't gone over once, didn't spend all my extra points in one day, and have gone to the gym Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and am going today and tomorrow as well. I am totally one hundred percent refocused this week because I am only a little over a pound away to that 90 lb mark and I want that so badly I can taste it.

And apparently there is something else my subconscious wants so bad it had to go to alternative measures to taste. Chocolate. I had a dream last night that I gorged myself on the most delicious chocolate ever. Ok, so that's not so weird for a dream, especially for someone who loves chocolate and hasn't had any good chocolate in a while. But then came the part that shows just how much Weight Watchers has invaded my brain. Suddenly, in my dream, I began freaking out because I went over my points by eating said chocolate. And I began trying to figure out how many points exactly I went over and I was just so upset because I totally blew my week. It seemed so real. So much so in fact that when I woke up I had a few moments of "OMG I can't believe I ate all that, what was I thinking?!?" Then there was such relief when I realized it didn't actually happen.

P.S. This picture kinda freaks me out.

Nobody's perfect

2006-07-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

I find it hilarious that some people think that just because I've lost 90 lbs that I am obsessive and perfect about what I eat. I forget the exact word used, I think it was "precise", but the meaning is the same. I mean, ok, yeah I have lost what some people see as a huge amount of weight (mostly people that aren't me - isn't that weird? But that's a topic for another post). But if I was perfect about the whole thing, don't you think I would have lost a lot faster? Last summer I lost 2 whole pounds. It's true, I looked it up. I blame the excessive alcohol consumption that took place. If I was so perfect about what I eat, I certainly would have lost a whole lot more than that. And for the first half of my weight loss, this woman sat right next to me! Does she not have eyes (disclaimer - this is not a jab at blind people)? Some weeks I'm certainly more focused than others, but never have I been 100% perfect. After all, who really is, in anything?

So Far So good

2006-07-17T08:20:00.000-05:00

So I'm at goal weight, I want to loose some more. I was going for a goal of 10 pounds below my goal weight as my personal goal but now that doesn't seem right. I'm not happy with my body but I don't know if I will look ok with 10 pounds less on me. Already people are telling me I look sickly, hate to think what they would say or do in 10 more pounds. (Perhaps have me institutionalized for anorexia) Ha!!! Anorexia with as much as I eat, that's a laugh... Truth be told, I'm really don't care what others think or at least people who don't know me well. Andrea and the girls at WW would tell me if they thought I was going to far. I trust them. Plus, I know I have more fat on my body to loose. So what I'm going to do is attempt to lose 5 more pounds, see how I feel then make my decision from there.

This week, I decided to take it easy on myself. My maintaining points goal is between 24 and 26. This week rather then dropping always down to 20 to loose, I'm dropping down to 22. I will still lose but not as fast.

I have been an tracker Nazi this week since Saturday. I'm writing everything down. I hope I can keep up with this. It's Monday and I still have 25 extra points left. I'm trying to up my exercise and I'm going to attempt to not eat my activity points.

Today is the real test though, Being at work is rough, honestly I'm bored at work at lot. I don't eat out of stress but out of boredom and it is so easy to run downstairs and grab a soft pretzel here and a bag of chips there. I kill my points when I am at work. At home, we don't have that kind of stuff around so I can't eat it, If I really want something I have to get myself and my son ready and walk to the store. I tend to not do that unless I really want it and at least in those case I have to get some exercise.

Wish me luck, I'm going to try and stay on program all week. This is a big step for me, being that it is only Monday, it looks near impossible to accomplish but damnit... I'm going to try!!!!

Mid week Meltdown

2006-07-12T17:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, so my 3 year old just said, "Mummy, why do you need to exercise?" I replied, "Because suicide is not an option."

Do you think I am doing permanent damage??? Do you think at this point that I really care???
:-) This has been a verrrrry exhausting week and I am at the end of my proverbial rope. But I am trying like hell to stay on program to the best of my Earthly ability! I will say a little prayer to the Weight Watchers Goddesses:

O dear kind Lifetime Goddess
Look down on my humble and semi-bloated body.
Give me strength to overcome the everyday obstacles in life...
The whining child
The ringing phone
The hungry masses yearning to breathe free....samples at Costco.
Send down a message of will
I will stand straight and tall.
I will resist the call of the dreaded chocolate.
Goddess answer my plea!!!!
Pleeeeaaaaase???

Food is Evil!!!!

2006-07-12T14:15:00.000-05:00

So now I'm at goal, at lifetime and maintaining ok, but I want to lose a little more. I want to lose 5 more pounds then see if I want more after that. But I can't do it. I'm trying soooooo hard to drop myself back down to 20 points and I just can't. I want to eat, I don't want to minimize the amount of points I have.

Today, I was tempted by one of my favorite foods. Indian food!!!!... There is the little restuarant downtown that has some of the best indian food you can get in this city for only 4 dollars for a tray full. It is amazing and like 20 points for the whole thing and that is just a guess, I could be completely off base. I usually eat half one day then the other half the next. Nope, not today. I ate the whole thing. It was delicious but now I am in the negative before dinner and cannot go to the gym tonight to work some of it off.

I'm just so frustrated with myself. I mean why can't I control myself. Before I hit goal, I had more control. I've gotten lazy about tracking, I stopped paying close attention making guesses (educated guesses!) at points, which is ridiculous since I carry my points calculator around with me everywhere I go. My exercise has sloped off. I just don't know what I need to do to motivate myself to get back on the wagon. Even if I wasn't trying to lose more weight at the rate I'm going I'm not going to be able to keep it off either.

Grrrrrrr!!! what's it gonna take to get back in control?

Don't mess with me dude. Just kidding!

2006-07-06T07:15:00.000-05:00

I have this concern that people have this fear that I am going to preach the way of Weight Watchers to them. That if they say anything about wanting to loose weight, they think I will say "You should join Weight Watchers, it really works! Look how well it worked for me!" The truth is, I would never ever in a million years do that. If someone were to come to me and ask me questions specifically Weight Watchers related, I would be psyched to answer them. (and I do/have) Yes, I love Weight Watchers. Yes, I think it works better than most of the programs out there(notice I said most, there are other programs out there that do work). But I would never ever push that on someone else, anymore than I would push my religion on anyone else. And the truth of the matter is, until you are ready, really ready, not just say you're ready, it (or any other program) won't work for you anyway. Robyn told me I should join WW for years whenever I would bitch about my weight (she's allowed, she's my best friend to a fault sometimes - she wouldn't normally preach about WW to anyone either) and I would just get angry and annoyed.

On another note, and I am going to try to be careful about what I say here because I don't know who reads this. Recently this comment was made in response to a friends post about concern regarding her own weight: "Losing weight will be hard, but it's easier than quitting an addiction".
Ok. Now, I am in no way disregarding how difficult it is to quit smoking, gambling, to get clean and sober. Anyone who has overcome an addiction of any sort is just amazing and honorable. However. I actually look at food as my own personal addiction. I have brought this up in many meetings, and I know I am not the only one that feels this way. Food is good, man. Really really really good. Delectable even. And they just keep making it better and better. And nearly impossible to stay away from. It is in your face 24/7. Commercials on TV, in magazines, on billboards. You can't go anywhere without passing by an aisle of candy bars. Mmmmm....candy bars..... When people want to be social, they generally go out to eat. Someone's birthday? Have a piece of cake! Graduation? Celebratory cake! Anniversary? Promotion? Random Holiday? Cake cake cake! Feeling depressed? Man that tub of Ben & Jerry's would really hit the spot. That'll make me feel better. Bad day? Week? Month? Life? Have your favorite food, you deserve it. The difference is (and again, I am in no way discounting the accomplishments of those who have overcome smoking, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc) You can't not eat. You need food to survive. You might try to do what many have and never again have a candy bar or potato chip ever again. Honestly, though, you probably won't succeed. You have to actually attempt to change your entire lifestyle, your entire upbringing, your entire frame of mind when it comes to food. I have no doubt that walking away from alcohol or cigarettes for the rest of your life is extremely difficult. All I'm saying is that loosing weight is no walk in the park either.

Afraid of weigh in!!!

2006-06-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

So one more pound and I'm going to be over lifetime, I've tried this week though, I dropped my points by 2 to try and make up for the fiasco that was vacation but I feel horrible and I'm feeling fat this week.

I've drank lots of water. I've been good about points except last night. I haven't exercised as much as I would have liked to but I've done everything I possibly can since I weigh in tomorrow, which happens to be a day early.

Wish me luck guys, I mean, how much would it suck to reach lifetime then have to pay the next week because I blew it already.

Blah!!!!

glug glug glug

2006-06-29T07:49:00.000-05:00

I have no real idea what tomorrow's early weigh in is going to bring. I have actually been really good this week, but I am worried that last weeks clam chowder fest will catch up with me. So I have been trying my old fail safe - when in doubt drink tons and tons of water. This usually helps me when I am in pms stage or have had other things that I think will negatively affect the scale.
This is awesoem because this weeks challenge is WATER, and even though I won't be there for the drawing, I am still trying my darndest to keep on top of it.
The problem: Today, the fateful day beforer weigh in, there was a water main break downtown near where I work. All of the water is brown! Oh no oh no! How do I fill up my WW mug now? How will I ever get all that extra water in? This is a disaster! Luckilly I fulled up 2 water bottles before I left work yesterday, so I have 2 liters, but when I am doing this extra water thing, I like to get in 4 before lunch. I may actually have to pay for the over prices 16 oz bottles in our machines, then when I go to lunch, I'll pick up a couple liters from the store downstairs, where it's way cheaper. What a pain in the ass though!

Ten thoughts from Vacation

2006-06-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

1. Three pounds goes on so much faster and goes down so much smoother when there is a Dunkin Donuts with their amazing mocha iced lattes very close by.

2. Even seafood when ate in excess can make you gain weight especially when everything is covered with the most amazing crab stuffing.

3. People at other meetings can be just as rowdy as ours. :)

4. Kayaking is probably one of the most fun exercises I have ever done and it is an incredible upper body work out.

5. I don't really mind walking around in a bathing suit now, I don't look perfect but I don't feel I look bad either.

6. Restaurants that serve soda in large glasses and water in crappy plastic ones tick me off, new restaurant pet peeve.

7. Sea air can make you very hungry.

8. I can go to Dunkin Donuts every day and not get a donut.

9. You need to keep yourself busy even on vacation even if it is reading a book because if you don't you eat.

10. You can make lifetime even when you are on vacation. I did!!!

Feel like a stranger

2006-06-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

WOW, feels like I haven't been in touch forever. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So, the great milk challange was a good one. Wait to you see what's in store for next week! It will be a summer of challanges ladies. Got to say I am feeling very powerful these days. Ever since I was inspired to push myself on my work outs I've been pushing myself in every direction. Career, fitness, eating. Feels really good after a long tough winter. Now that we have the first week of the boys being home for summer vacation I think we're falling into a good routine where I still have my time to get my workouts in AND work fulltime AND spend time with the kids AND spend time with the hubby AND keep the house in order. That's we're a little assertiveness comes in. Tell'em what you need! But we'll talk more about that tomorrow..... Sounds like we're are all really being stretched to our limits with *stuff*. We CAN do this, just like the board says "one day at a time". See ya'll bright and early!!!!!!

Transitions & Trying Times

2006-06-16T10:04:00.000-05:00

So we've all had them, Transitions and Trying Times! Boy to I have some BIG ones right now! I've been trying to control myself..But my oh my word - how I don't want to face the scale this week!
I was busy packing, just to put moving on hold till the 24th, now I half my things packed and gone.
My grandmother passed away and the family traveled to Pentwater, MI for her final burial. A beautiful area and I feel at peace for her, she had been very ill since Jan. I traveled the 10 hours there and 8 hours back (yes, you would think the times would be similar-thank you Detroit traffic ;-( with my sister who I know now, without a doubt, that the two of us should not spend long amounts of time unsupervised!
Am now back to work, dealing with mishaps while I was gone, and preparing for another road trip to Reading, PA this weekend for my cousins wedding reception....reception unsuspecting hidden points!
Yes, I know I'm in Maintenance, but I almost feel that has gotten me into extra trouble with allowing me to overeat(my own doing)....hurrumptfff!
luckily, I'm not expected to hit lifetime till July 1st, so I have 2 weeks to fix myself! (I hope)

Another obstacle

2006-06-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

Well this tracking on paper thing is harder than I remembered....
I am so used to doing all my tracking on etools, I keep forgetting to carry my paper tracker with me!
Today this is especially bad because it turns out it's a coworkers birthday. This normally wouldn't really phase me, but someone has brought in a GIANT COOKIE CAKE. These are my absolute favorite. And they also brought in Cookies & Creme ice cream - another fav of mine - WHY ME?!?! Well, thankfully I haven't used all my extra points yet, and I have aerobics today(activity points!), but I don't really remember how many extra points I do have. If only I had remembered my tracker! ARG. If I was smart I would have been tracking both places, but I am just not quite that smart.
Anyway, I rarely get to have the cookie cake or the ice cream so by golly I am going to have it. Plus i erlaly have been good all week. I will have a small controlled portion, not have some of the snacks I had planned on having today, and mark off all the extra points and suffer the consequences on Saturday - who knows, I might even get lucky!

Dairy dairy everywhere

2006-06-13T07:36:00.000-05:00

So the challenge put before us on Saturday (get in 3 servings of dairy at least five out of 7 days this week and you'll be entered in a drawing) is the sort of thing Robyn and I live for. We are hard core about our dairy this week. After the meeting we stocked up on all things dairy - ice cream bars, ff pudding, string cheese, ect. We are not just shooting for five, we are going for the gold - all seven, baby!

The weekend wasn't that hard for me, but it's getting harder now. I think I need to find some sort of dairy snack to bring in to work. Because I always get one serving in the morning, but then have to get creative at night to get the rest in. And I am officially out of 2 dairy servings SB diet pizza's.

In other news, I was just put on steroids for my poison ivy and the only reason I hesitated calling the doctor about it was because I don't want to bloat for this saturdays weigh in - not when I'm so close to my next 5 lbs. But I suppose my health is more important than the stupid scale, huh?

Sobering Up

2006-06-12T20:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, today I am trying so hard to have a good day. It has been way too long since I have had a really good diet day. My birthday ended up to be worse than Christmas as far as days of going over on my points. Hard to believe. But I am not giving up, of course. I have had some setbacks all along this weight loss journey--the holidays, vacations, family challenges, illnesses, etc. etc. etc. But I have always bounced back and I intend to this time as well! If nothing else, I am resilient. And hungry. Right now I am hungry! I am planning on having a little 2 point snack this evening because I have it and I am hungry. So I think I will have some yogurt with strawberries or perhaps a WW Chocolate Caramel bar....I have PMS so I am leaning toward the chocolate. It is my drug of choice this week. But the good news is that through all of the birthday celebrating I maintained my exercise regimen!! Hooray for me! Some guy at the gym came up to me today and told me that he hasn't been going recently and he noticed that I look different--just in the last couple of months!! :-) That made my day and really helped me stay on track today. Thank you, stranger man!!

Bastard!!!

2006-06-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

I just typed a fun and witty post about getting a butterscotch cupcake today and my internet died and killed it.

Needless to say, I'm annoyed yet happy from the butterscotchy goodness in my mouth and I seemed really generous to a coworker because I gave her one, (they come in boxes of 2 only). She thinks I was being nice, but we all know what I was doing...

If I had 2 i'd eat 2. Giving her one saved me from eating it.

Skinny people need to be nutritious too. No, really, they do.

2006-06-08T07:24:00.000-05:00

At a staff meeting a while ago, it was requested that we have a nutritional seminar. So this Friday a nutritionist from UPMC will be here. At least one person who sits by me is going - the one I probably get along with the least, mostly because our points of view differ so much. A perfect example of that is a comment she made yesterday when she saw the list of who signed up for the seminar. She laughed about two of the people - two very skinny people. She just thought it was hilarious that they would be going to a nutrition seminar. Cause you know, they're thin, so they must be eating healthy. Hah. More likely they are just those lucky types that have a high metabolism. Or, maybe they have tiny frames and want to get off those five pounds. Very few people are 100% happy with their bodies, and I always say that unless you've seen someone naked, you have no right to comment on their weight.

P.S. They are serving lunch at this thing which makes me nervous, so I will be brining in my own back up lunch in just in case - I can't imagine anything they would have that I would be 100% ok with eating. Sandwiches, unless made with light bread can be pretty high point and not very filling - and how will I really know how much to count the bread for? I'll bring my own dressing in case there are salads, but those aren't very filling either.

My incredibly crappola weigh in

2006-06-05T07:44:00.000-05:00

I don't know how everyone did on Saturday since Robyn and I had to get weighed in on Friday. I will say that my weigh in made me cry, literally. I wasn't that bad last week, and I guess my body is probably going into one of those getting-used-to-current-weight modes that I haven't had in a while and that I suppose is good for it, but god damn. There is no possibly way now that I will reach the vacation goal I had set for myself. I am angry and frustrated and depressed. I have not given up, I don't want anyone to think that I have, I still counted my points all weekend and never once went for Ben & Jerry's ice cream or a dove chocolate bar, though there were opportunities for sure. And I did not let it ruin my weekend at all. It just pretty much ruined the first hour after it happened, when luckily I had Robyn there to console me and talk me out of stopping at McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin.

It also pissed me off that the lady weighing me in told me that I went up "a little". Ok, I know that WW receptionists are supposed to be all empathetic and everything, but when someone tells me I went "up a little" I expect less than a pound. So when I look at my card and see something that's way over two pounds, I am indeed going to burst into tears. You WW employees and ww-to-be employees keep that in mind please!

Enticing Advertisements !!

2006-06-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

Recently, commericals have been calling to me..LITERALLY! ("Erin, look at this amazing sandwhich, you would so love to taste it!") AND they're right!
So I went to Wendy's website and learned that the Frescata sandwhich range from 9-11 point each (turkey basil at 9-here I come). But I really want to know what the new tuscan chicken sanwich at Subway would be..their website is not as updated for all the info, but it did say it was 8g of fat. Any thoughts?

bikinis & thrift store mayhem

2006-05-31T21:02:00.000-05:00

Erin is right, not all suits are created equally...and I just bought my first true bikini top ever. Robyn is so jealous. Which is funny because she is sooo much skinnier than me, and she has killer legs, but I have killer abs, and so I can wear my bikini top around camp. I don't really know how I look in it (Robyn looked at me, I didn't actually get to look in the mirror) but I do know that I feel super sexy in it! You guys should see it, but you probably never will because it's a camp top all the way. I will wear it with a sarong this weekend and the boys they will be a droolin'....at least I will pretend that they will be :)

In other news, Robyn and I spent too much money at the thrift store today, but we both needed summer clothes pretty badly. I wish I had Robyn's legs, but at least I didn't buy any pants that were under a size 14 - so claimed the tags. Some of those 14's are mighty big, but I like my clothes bigger, in the legs anyway. Robyn and I fought over some of the tops. She doesn't know it yet(shhhh), but that yellow top is sooo ending up in my closet. It looks way better on me than her anyway.

Not All Suites are Created Equally!

2006-05-30T11:03:00.000-05:00

So, we all are aware of what season it is--even more obvious by the 90 degree weather that we are enjoying.....Bathing Suite Season!!! Yes, not exactly the most relaxing idea -- especially considering that the thought of squeezing into a tight revealing number, and showing off my lack of a tan, can usually make me want to put an oversized T-shirt over top!(Yes, as a child I would use the t-shirt trick to keep my body hidden while "keeping from being sun-burned").
I must say, a few weeks back when I broke through 40lbs. Of weight-loss I spent a few bucks at the Target sale racks finding a new suite.
I pose a question.....Why is it that a XL bathing suite bottom is a bit lose, but will do for now, but a L bottom creates a highly unactractive roll? Oh unattractive clothing makers...How we despise you so! In times past, when things say they should fit -- but REALLY don't, I eventually get frustrated and leave, allowing myself to be annoyed and down.
But I hung in there this time -- oh yes, I tried on MANY a bathing suite that day, and brought some home! I was able to find two suites for about $33. I actually wore one yesterday at my in-laws house. During the past 3 summers that I've known them, I have never gotten into that pool!
Ladies -- never give up! So what if I'm buying a M top and a XL bottom...It will look better than it I try to do something else.
I try to remind myself:All designers/manufactures have different ideas and cuts that make sizes hard to figure out -- if only I was a guy and all I needed was length and width!
With the weight we've lost, keys for living that we've learned-- this season will be better than ever!!!!

Point for Moms

2006-05-30T07:26:00.000-05:00

How may points is a 4 point breakfast sandwich when you son takes out all but 2 bites of bacon then decides he likes the sandwich and walks away with half of it?

Exercise pusher

2006-05-29T18:19:00.000-05:00

Who would have ever thought that Mohammed would be pusing me to exercise. Sunday morning we got up and decided to go to the YMCA but they didn't open for another hour. So Mohammed decided we would take a walk... needless to say I got tired and he kept pushing me to keep on going. We went a total of 1.1 miles (not bad for a girl who is real out of shape). I can't tell you guys how proud I am of him and I am not sure I am going to be able to keep up with him - but I will do my best.

Here's to a week of exercise and us being losers on Saturday.

Sherri

Candle Disaster

2006-05-24T08:17:00.000-05:00

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well actually the road to weight gain is paved with them too. Last night we went to a Partylite party, you know where they sell candles, at a friends house. I knew there would be food, we ate dinner on the way so we wouldn't be hungry. We had every intention of being good little Weight Watchers.

The spread of food she had was amazing. As usual, I ate a ton of food and a complete lack of self control. Ended up spending approximately 20 points in a matter of 2 hours.

How does this happen? I mean I know how it happens but I want to know what the heck happens in my brain. I know logically that I should not be eating, I wasn't hungry, but I kept on getting up, walking in the kitchen, and grabbing more food. Nothing was a particularly trigger food but I just kept grabbing it without really thinking it through.

It's like I go into automatic gorge mode and my brain shuts off. I think I talk if off, That voice, You Will be Fat Forever voice says, "you have plenty of extra points relax" And I listened to her. Damn her, she's as bad, if not worse, then Murphy. (And I know she is is a girl because she's always shoving chocolate down my throat)

Man, I wish I could shut her up.

It could have been worse, what I grabbed for mostly was fruit, but there was also this bowl of chocolate, they were brachs brand peanut butter cups. The thing is they weren't that good. On the way home I kept thinking why did I keep going back, I didn't really like them, it's not like they are the reese's ones, which I adore. They weren't very peanutbuttery (is that a word, if not it should be) They just weren't that good.

This week is not a loss yet though, We have Mad Mex tonight and if I try really really hard to behave myself I should make it through. I have 10 extra points going into tonight and I plan on having 15 of my dailypoints left when we get there. But I also plan on not being hungry when I walk in the door. No margaritas for me but I'll still have fun because while Mad Mex has awesome food, tonight is not really about the food but more about the awesome company.